Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rachel's LiveJournal:

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Monday, June 4th, 2007
6:51 am	I am writing a paper on Mead, Fanon, and Simone De Beauvoire. No one should take a class that deals with them. Fanon makes such assumptions as "the black man symbolizes the penis" and that "by fearing rape of the black man, the white woman demonstrates her sexual desire of the black man"... such crap. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 27th, 2007
6:13 pm	For me, livejournal is the third tier of procrastination..it comes after email and facebook. Yesterday I got back at 9:50 from the NCAA Division III National competition. I got 15th in the steeplechase. I ran an 11:14..which was stinky. The week before I ran a 10:49, which would have placed 8th, and I would have been an All-American. Prior to the meet I had the 12th fastest time in the country (so I was a little disappointed about slipping to 15th). I went out realllly hard. I decided to run in 5th place so that I could still be All-American if 3 people passed me. I ran the first 400m in about a 77 (5:08 mile pace)...yeah...ouch...and finished up the first 800m in 2:41 (5:22 mile pace). Then I started getting slower each lap. My barriers got sloppy and a bunch of girls fell. My coach said that he thought it was the second lap that killed me, but he was excited while watching the race because I really went for it (albeit stupidly). In case you don't know, steeplechase is a 3k event that is run over 35 wooden barriers (like hurdles that are solid), including 7 water jumps (that means that after one of the barriers there is a 12 foot long pit of water that you have to leap over...or fall into...). Most people (including me) land with one foot in the water. The world record for women is 9:01.59, set in 2003 by Gulnara Samitova of Russia. For guys it is held by Saif Saaeed Shaheen of Qatar (formerly Stephen Cherono of Kenya) at 7:53.63 and was set on September 3, 2004. It was originally an event in which people on horseback raced over hedges from one steeple to another. I have wanted to run steeplechase since the summer after my freshman year of high school (I did it a little at the Duke Running Camp I went to). It's a lot of the reason why I really wanted to do hurdles in high school. 3k steeple times are not too tricky to understand. They are pretty close to two mile times since the mile is 200m longer than the 3k (so I should be able to run a 10:49 2 mile). You can also predict your steeple time by adding around 45 seconds to your 3k time. A good way to think about 3k steeple times is Steeplechase times are pretty much equivalent to two mile times. Surprisingly I wasn't that excited for Nationals. Isn't that weird? Even though qualifying for Nationals is a lot harder, I was more excited about making it to All-States in Cross Country my junior year of high school. I think that this was because I didn't make All-States my freshman or sophomore year and it was really hard for me to make it my Junior year. In DIII you qualify by hitting a certain time instead of getting a certain place at a regional meet (which is the way D1 does it), so it's not as stressful (for me). I was more excited about breaking the school record in steeple (10:49...down from 11:35 wooot!) than I was about qualifying for nationals, even though the later was harder. Prior to qualifying I got my coach to agree to be a vegetarian for a month if I did. Haha.. I am considering running this race against D1 people in a few weeks...top 3 get prize money...but so far there is only a 10:07 girl (who has graduated from college and is coaching!) and a 10:22 girl...both of which I have no shot of beating, and there is no one else entered. I only want to run it if someone around my time does. Oh homework...and I have to pee... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
6:36 am	eating toast with butter and sugar, english breakfast tea with sugar and cream, I always feel skinnier in the morning wearing long t-shirts arms gangling out between beige sleaves (Comment on this)
12:30 am	the ring bells and i shiver freeze inside-startled. the closes library. 12:30am (Comment on this)
12:25 am	"nothing's gonna change my world" Fiona sings. The black man in the electric blue uniform sweeps our crumbs into the dustbin. Sweep sweep. I can hear the sound even with my headphones on. He whistles. He has a mustache. Outside it is a dark abyss. "chaacooooodelahhh...nothing's gonna change my world". I like college. but not Mead: (continued) He says that a problem with the theory of the socially constituted mind is the inexistence of the mind in animal communities. Although the theory of the socially constituted mind can be refined to only apply to high-level societies, this refinement would mean that development suddenly halts prior to the formation of the mind. According to Mead, individuals are able to become self-conscious by first taking the attitudes of individuals towards themselves, and then entering into their own experiences as objects. Even as objects of their own experience individuals have their own private, subjective thoughts. The existence of these thoughts is still consistent with the theory of the socially constituted self because they are formed by an individual’s social interactions with other individuals. While the interaction of selves leads to more complex forms of social interaction, this interaction is not necessary for social interactions. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
11:34 pm	hein "Oh look, they're being monogamous" says Hannah Moots, suppressing a slight smile as she looks at the second condom ad in Dil's ethnography on advertising in India. Dil has decided that she is going to live in Chicago next year and make puppets and movies. Now all she has to do is find a job. On Tuesday we are going to make a Loch Ness Monster and place it in the botany pond. I am excited to see the six palm-sized ducklings befriend Ness. On the other hand, I dislike George Herbert Mead and discussions of the socially constituted self. I had a dream that I ran 10:59 in the steeple, but you had to run 10:57 to make it to Nationals. Dil is wearing a strange bib scrap thing. Today was supposed to be the track team's Super Heros versus Princesses themed run, but the rain vetoed it and we all (mostly) went topless. Hot. I found a large red ball. I flicked Jackie's pony tail until she gave me a look. Then Jake pulled my hair elastic out and my hair got naughty. "kiss me so sweet...and so so-o-o-o-oft..." Brian and I have been dating for more than 6 months. I realized this yesterday when my roommate was talking about how her 6 month anniversary is coming up. I said "wait...didn't Brian and I start dating before you and Billy". "I hear in my mind all of these voices..." I actually do get strange images in my head. Postcards. Like what facial expression Vidthya would have upon seeing Dil dressed up like a yellow chicken. This paper succcckkkkkssss: here is a rough draft of the first two paragraphs. Obv, it is due tomorrow In his chapter “A Contrast of Individualistic and Social Theories of Self”, Mead introduces the debate between the social and individual theories of mind and self. He presents the theory that society develops the self, and the theory that the self exists prior to an individual’s interactions with society and determines the nature of the individual’s interactions. Mead relates the theory of the socially constituted self to the empiricist theory that experience is the only source of knowledge. He relates the theory of the pre-existing self to the rationalist theory that reason is the only source of knowledge. In the former, the existence of the social process is explained in terms of the individual, while in the latter the existence of the individual is explained in terms of the social process. In the theory of the pre-existing self the social process is explained in terms of the self, while in the theory of the socially constituted self the existence of the self is explained in terms of the social process. Mead argues that the mind is completely socially constituted. He differentiates between this theory and the theory that mind is only partially socially constituted- the idea that the mind is a natural endowment that is socially expressed. Instead, Mead argues that social process presupposes mind. He says that the theory of the socially constituted mind allows people to explain the development of mind, while the theory of the pre-existing mind allows people to study neither the natural endowment of the mind nor the development of the mind. He brings up the "will you feel better...will you feel anything at all..." (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 9th, 2007
12:26 pm	I eat strangely here. Last night I ate a microwaved potato, an entire container of grape tomatoes, and apple sauce. For lunch I had doritos, sweet gerkin pickles, and a kiwi. For breakfast I had cereal and milk. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 15th, 2006
8:10 am	The dirt under the maple tree in my front yard looks purplish in the morning light, or lack thereof. It's still dark out, and the trees behind my house cut little blue triangles out of the sky. It's crisp outside-a little brisk-just so that Grace donned her pinkish maroon fall coat and a sweatshirt from Italia. 7:12am on a Friday morning. I'm sitting at my kitchen table in the company of three paper and pipe cleaner flowers made by Grace for Mom. The tissue box is at bay since my nose is still stuffy come mornings. I'm sore from swimming yesterday. I swam 60 laps (50 minutes) and then aqua jogged for 10. Grace and Mairead (her best friend) aqua jogged with me and found it very funny. Grace said that it was the highlight of ehr day. While I was doing laps a large man shared my lane. He reminded me of a manatee. The lifeguard wasn't paying very close attention, and it made me nervous, but I comforted myself because I knew that if something were to go wrong the three kids would look out for one another and call the lifeguard over. After swimming I drove them home and we made little pizzas out of english muffins and also had pasta. No one wanted the leftover lasagna that Mom had suggested. Roger didn't eat this us because he was talking to my father on the phone. I didn't ask, but I think that they were discussing his Stanford application (it's due today). Today he finds out if he gets in to the University of Chicago. I think that he will, even though there is a 10% increase in applicants for early action this year. He has pretty good grades and has the added benefit of being a double legacy (my father went to both the grad school for philosophy and the graduate school of business). The alarm on his phone just rang, so I woke him up, but he said he didn't have to get up, and thus went back to sleep. The sky has turned from blue to gray, and now I hear a train whistle and the sound of the wheels rumbling across the tracks. ``````` Whenever I talk to my father about my future I think of being a lawyer again. I know that it's because that's what he wants me to do, but I still think about it on my own too, although not usually when I am at Uchicago because most people there are more intense/intelligent than I am and I don't feel lawyery compared to them like I did in high school. I've also thought about teaching, much to the surprise of high school friends. But while I do think that I would love being a teacher, I don't know if that's what I want to do for my whole life. What I like about the law profession is the personal battles you get to fight for people. You get to both counsel them about what you think they should do, and also get to defend them, based on careful research, against someone else. I think that I'd get very into it and would find it fulfilling. I do, however, worry that I would get too into it and not be able to properly balance a family/social life with my job. Another thing I think I'd like is being a field researcher, but that's a rather tumultuous career choice. Basically I have no idea what I want to major in or what I want to do after college. Two majors that I am interested in are Anthropology and Human Development (like a mix of Psychology, Biology, and Anthropology). And I am debating whether I want to go abroad next fall (to Rome, China, or India...probably China) or run cross country then. That seems like a no brainer to people who don't run, but running on a team, specifically a close-knit cross country team enriches college so much. I could go abroad in the winter to Spain instead, but while I hate Chicago winters (or maybe it was just the horrible one last year) I am not too interested in Spanish civ. Finishing my cinnamon toast as the sky fades to white. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
9:36 am	And so, I live in an apartment now. It's brick and has a large garden in the back yard, full of humungous weeds. I call it a jungle. There is also a garage in the back yard in which i found an old book of children's fiction. last night was my first night there. Sam played me a Mars Volta song on his record player and was really really excited that I like them (because I don't generally like prog, yes carrie, some new music vocab for me, or anythign like that). So we listened to them for several hours, me sittong on the brown and tan rug, alternately chatting with sam and reading a letter from carrie, and later, in sam's room, watching the way the lead singer moves his feet and writing a letter to carrie. and yesterday morning i watched the sunrise with julia and briwn and then briwn and i body surfed. he has a surfboard in his apartment and so we'll surf soon. and we got free chairs from the reg. i was in iowa this weekend for track. my race sucked, 20:39, better than my high school PR, but completely out of focus and I dropped from 4th on the team to 8th. bleh. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
10:32 pm	frosted flakes keep better than pops. i realize. sitting on the brink of this wooden chair, procrastinating peeing. "The best part of my day is taking off my socks." "Why?" "I remember I have toes again." (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 25th, 2006
9:35 am	"white women parade" yells the black woman as we run past her window in the south side of chicago. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
11:44 am	scratching my eye to the beat of the laughs and footfalls and splashes and the arpeggio of debbie woodman's voice as a drill screams at my off white house. staring down my black kissed with lime green swooshes nike frees, procrastinating my 20 minute tempo at 6:48 pace. I can't believe I leave for college this Friday morning (well, I'm visiting Kevin first). I barely got to spend any time with my friends... Yesterday Liz and Carrie spent the day in Newport, went to Newport Creamery because Sousa always talked about it, and then walked the cliff walk. I waded in and found some shells, and Liz followed, but mostly to mollify me I think. Then we went to see Alison, and I was in a weird mood and probably scared her, but she laughed. Her nose is so cool. It's funny that the only times I've seen ehr are to say goodbye since I've been with Carrie (wow, I jsut made us sound like lovers..). Then Liz, Carrie and I ate chinese food at Carrie's, then watched utubes, then Liz went home, and Carrie and I the nike frees call to me. Oh, and the night before, Roger, Ben and I ran along the high way at night-so exciting. We ran up that high way that leads you past TKO shea's and dunkin donuts, then took the 95 S exit, then ran along 95 S the opposite direction from the cars, then took the first exit off. Ben couldn't keep up with Roger and me. (Comment on this)
11:37 am	scratching my eye to the beat of the laughs and footfalls and splashes and the arpeggio of debbie woodman's voice as a drill screams at my off white house. staring down my black kissed with lime green swooshes nike frees, procrastinating my 20 minute tempo at 6:48 pace. I can't believe I leave for college this Friday morning (well, I'm visiting Kevin first). I barely got to spend any time with my friends... Yesterday Liz and Carrie spent the day in Newport, went to Newport Creamery because Sousa always talked about it, and then walked the cliff walk. I waded in and found some shells, and Liz followed, but mostly to mollify me I think. Then we went to see Alison, and I was in a weird mood and probably scared her, but she laughed. Her nose is so cool. It's funny that the only times I've seen ehr are to say goodbye since I've been with Carrie (wow, I jsut made us sound like lovers..). Then Liz, Carrie and I ate chinese food at Carrie's, then watched utubes, then Liz went home, and the nike frees call to me. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
10:50 am	sitting on my motley brown rug, back pressed against the bed at 10:50. ten dollar jeans and blue v neck. necking in the woods we could sit and sigh in my brother's ten foot teepee. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
8:57 am	krispy kreme doughnuts. Mary's chatting with my Mom now and I'm sipping soymilk slowly, sipping softly, silk soymilk from a chrystal clear cup. it goes down the same but the aftertaste is different. today we went on the swan duck boats and to chinatown. i felt a little weak during teh day. tired now, and the cicadas seem to buzz more loudly tonight- in the deep dark chocolate night oozing behind my window screen. perhaps because of the crickets too-rubbing legs together we could chirp. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 7th, 2006
10:57 pm	eating canoli at 10:44 listening to cicadas through my kitchen window mary and i sit. sipping milk-mine soy, her's cow. talking of any warhol. we had dinner at the best french restaurant in boston. gnoccie mine with a hint of lemon, and her's ravioli-the lamb too expensive. sipping water with two lemon slices and sugar, four varieties of french imported olives. fig bread. \ taking pictures of the small indian boy on a blue leash. the norht end. a bustle of english words with springs of italian here and there, tucked around the edges. The Store Around the Cornahh sat in by Jeremy-curly haired and knows everyone. The white and gray cat: there's a poem about him, written by some newspaper man, pasted to the cigarette glass. the smell of cigars seeps through the plastic wrap as I bargin them down from 17 to 15, bargining is easy ehre, and I feel i've agreed too quickly. and they laugh at our "france sucks" shirts, throw their fists into the air and cheer. today is the festival of saint agrippa. adorned with dollars and carried on the shoulders of men in white shirts with collars and pockets and red pins through the streets with a band and children waving flags. mary and i join in and the girl with the glasses laughs, our grins reflected abck in her lenses, as we dance and the old woman videotapes us. mary sighing now with her arms crossed, criticising my typing skills or the lack thereof. mavis beacon is the new desktop background. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 30th, 2006
9:02 am	sally sallied forth. So Slow, sad sally. see her in a sundress wondress huntress. in sweeping scarlet. see her with her sea breezed hair, the way she wears that dress without a care. careful sally. sally sallies forth. forth fourty footfalls fast now, toward the fourth forked road now. see the see saw dog. see saw on three now four paw, see saw to the rhythm of the car honk. careful sally. Hear the dog bark. Hear the car honk. Careful Sally. See the white phone, hear the ring of the cell phone. cell phone sealed safe in a fold of her scarlet flap. See her hand dip. Hear her crimson fingers click. Click Click down the length of the flip phone. fingers fairly certain whisper. open. on one. see the see saw dog's stance. see his head, watch him dance. think softly of his sideways prance. Now see sally's second knee. see the skin. think Sinking in. see the crimson hem, feel the breeze of the Hemlock. feel the weight of the Footfalls Falling on fairly uneven cobblestones. See Her Slip. Careful Sally. see the see saw dog see. see him see her naked knee. see his TEETH. poor sally. see the scarlet on her knee folded in my white seafoam. hear her moan. poor sally. see her scream. see a sea of bronze limbs drowned in crimson sin. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 29th, 2006
3:31 pm	I am memorizing this for my Dad for his birthday. It was his request. Katharina's concluding speech in "The Taming of the Shrew" Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow, And dart not scornful glances from those eyes, To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor: It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads, Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds, And in no sense is meet or amiable. A woman moved is like a fountain troubled, Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty; And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it. Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee, And for thy maintenance commits his body To painful labour both by sea and land, To watch the night in storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe; And craves no other tribute at thy hands But love, fair looks and true obedience; Too little payment for so great a debt. Such duty as the subject owes the prince Even such a woman oweth to her husband; And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour, And not obedient to his honest will, What is she but a foul contending rebel And graceless traitor to her loving lord? I am ashamed that women are so simple To offer war where they should kneel for peace; Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway, When they are bound to serve, love and obey. Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth, Unapt to toil and trouble in the world, But that our soft conditions and our hearts Should well agree with our external parts? Come, come, you froward and unable worms! My mind hath been as big as one of yours, My heart as great, my reason haply more, To bandy word for word and frown for frown; But now I see our lances are but straws, Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare, That seeming to be most which we indeed least are. Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot, And place your hands below your husband's foot: In token of which duty, if he please, My hand is ready; may it do him ease. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 28th, 2006
10:15 pm	sitting on my bed in man shorts and a wripped lace tank top with a black sports bra showing through i am wet from runnign in the rain and the left side of my left hand is a little sore from i don't know what. tired but only done with run number one. 10:09. I rode Saadie today and was going to ride in the show but the end was cancelled and she was too hot at the beginning. 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105923066470.. im losing it. that might even have errors. isn't it cool hwo quixkly your body repairs itself? it is so awesome. i love how quickly things heal. gosh i sound like a cutter. but im actually jsut refering to my foot. i cut it yesterday on a rock (accidently) and now it's pretty much healed, and it was so bad before that i took two days off running. well, the second was mainly because a percheron (large draft horse similar to a clydesdale) that i was training stepped on it. hmm.i wish i could tlak to kevin right now but he is eating steak. eating stake. i just wrote that but changed it. but wouldn't that be funning? haha, *funny? you're running and all of a sudden you see someone gnawing on a wooden stake? gnaw is a neat word. so is gnat. and gnome. you gnome it. (Comment on this)
8:02 pm	As the sky roars, Rusty pants, deeply scaring the brass doornobbed doors, I hear the sizzling of pancakes. Barbie girl in the adjacent room where Grace sits, her chestnut blond hair long and silky, 90 pounds and as tall as I was at 14, that 11 year old. Sizzle. A postcard from Rie-busts of animals at the stake house where she and Sam tried ostrich. Listening as the rain changes speed-last summer Roger and I would puddle hop to Carrie's-feet clad in nothing but skin-skin on pebbles makes the journey rocky but sweel-like an ocean wave. Now pans being washed and the woosh of the water from the faucet. Rusty pants. sizzle. A new song now as i feel the summer slip by, 9-5. Alicia has a baby and Yelana's engaged-the only other girls in my 7th grade class at Sage. "Rachel was my student, and now we're friends. Isn't that cool? Maybe you'll be friends with Rachel when you're older" Mrs. Vaughan tell 5 year old colin, wooly sheep haired and white and clingy to your thigh or hand-ben flickers the light. Neither of those girls are going to college. Sizzle. Two popsicle sticks standing-lying-laying side by side on the orangey table. Who decided to make ridges on toilet paper and napkins? A napkin wedged underneath this fork-this tine, that tine-four, standing slanted. bleu daisy's on the plate porcelein. "ok, dinner! grace?" "just a second" jsut a second thought. a second. roger on a tv with ben. dinner. the silverware drawer clatters open, the stick of the 'frige, the clink of glass casserole containers, the squeak of a door. the sound of mom's boat shoes-scuff scuff on the linoleum floor-i hate the yellow in it. Grace yawns. tawny filly nymphet. lolita. Dady worried about the boys at camp, don't be alone with them Grace. ~ (Comment on this)